Manifesto

[Matt]

Ahem:

Although I certainly cannot hope to understand the meaning of life (I could always look to religion, some of them seem to just take the easy approach to answering this question. I admire some eastern faiths that try to achieve enlightenment of soul and spirit, without trying to hinder your life. Respect nature.), I might as well pick something that could be right and go for it. I was reveling in the idea that I should attempt to learn everything. Perhaps the closest we can come to true immunity and sufficient satisfaction of the soul is to know as much as humanly possible about our surroundings, our lives. It is said that we as Homo sapiens use a mere 10% of our potential brain power. The reason why every so rarely we see the emergence of incredible genius minds such as Socrates, Plato, Mozart, Dali (etc.), is that they have by some means learned to, or are naturally able to reach beyond normal thought abilities and into the void of this mysterious other 90% of the human brain. Can I hope to achieve some higher state of enlightenment by reading written works of these geniuses? I shall try nonetheless. I have decided that it has to be my goal in life to expand my mind PAST 10%.

I remember once reading about a guitar prodigy named Shawn Lane, he could play guitar faster than anyone around, but didn't want to be pigeonholed by this. He could also improvise unbelievably well and almost never practiced. He also took to learning Indian and other culturally ethnic mescal styles. All of these were what captured my attention to the man, but what I really admire about him was the fact, that like I, he had a burning desire to use his brain in a way that most people could not.
"Shawn read tons of books and he retained everything. The first time I went over to his house, he had like a hundred books on butterflies that he'd checked out from the library. When I asked him if his daughter was doing a school project on butterflies, he said, "No, they're for me."

I think the best way to learn everything about life is to experience everything about life, but at the tender age of 15, most of my learning is going to have to come from reading and talking. I get a feeling of limitless creativity and youth when I start discussing philosophy. All of my problems are dissipated in an instant and for a few valuable hours (if that) I get to imagine anything and unlock my mind as much as presently possible. Often times, I would rather listen to wise people talk than to try to argue. I am certainly not one to tell people what they should do, but my philosophy when it comes to philosophy is that I do not open my mind as a way to try and change someone else’s, but rather to increase my own capacity. I cannot ever remember a time that I had tried to use my brain offensively. Surely I have been in arguments and debates, but going into them I had already decided that I could not change someone’s opinions - and moreover I did not want to - but I see debating as yet another way to learn and expand my own mind.

Many people will probably scoff when they find out a republican, and I often wonder how I can be so myself. A jazz musician, philosopher, long haired, high school student living in Iowa City? I have decided that the reason I am so is because it is FUN for me. I could very easily go around preaching the word of John Kerry, but what good would this do me? I have noticed that a great many of very conservative people are not extremely intelligent, and not willing (or able) to debate with radical democrats. I like to stand to the right of the line, if only to spark a debate. Living here and attending high school, I am the only republican I know who will debate. I will debate anyone who wants to, and most of the time it is not for more than to give myself (and perhaps others) a laugh and to lighten their day.

In the days of my youth, I was taught what it means to be a man. As a younger child I got most of my knowledge from reading and computer games (believe it or not). Nothing made me happier than taking tests in school, because before I would answer the 1st question I knew that I would walk away with a perfect score. I especially loved displaying my knowledge in front of people, often adults. I still more arrogant than is probably healthy, but I sometimes can control it better. Talking of these memories is not shameful in the least bit, but makes me prouder than anything I can imagine. I remind myself way too much of Salvador Dali - the sheer megalomania. I used to read more than I can even imagine anymore. My proudest memory is that I was reading Stephen King in 3rd grade (almost certainly earlier). When I was young, I had a massive yearning for learning. It was because of this that I would see these books that should probably never be in the hands of children that age, and I would want only to read them, I felt I had learned everything that I was expected to learn at my age, and I could not help but learn more. My mind was increasing capacity and power INSANELY faster than it should have been. It was about the time that I started Junior High and was thrust into a new and uncomfortable situation that my thirst for knowledge almost disappeared. Sure, I still got straight A's, but something was happening. It was at this time that Footbag took over my life. A huge masticating beast that devoured my entire being, and I loved every minute of it. All my time at home was spent on the footbag forum or actually playing, all my time not playing was spent imagining combos in my head. I was using my mind in a different way than I ever had before - a sort of physical learning. I was going through adolescence and most likely I was seeking something new. I wanted acceptance, and I certainly felt acceptance in the footbag community. As with the pattern of my life, I learned everything there was to learn about footbag. I knew all the top players and could identify them just by their style of play. I knew which footbag players lived in which cities and all their personalities. Here was my genius side coming out even in that time. This continued for about 2 years. The summer after 8th grade something else happened. Music started taking over my life. I had been playing guitar since 3rd grade, but I don't even know why. I didn't have the unbridled passion to play, and rarely had the "music" moments, but I guess I just stuck with it because I knew it was the right thing to do, and I always did the right thing at that time. I got very into playing guitar during that summer, I was playing classical guitar upwards of 5 hours a day. This continued through my freshman year of high school, with thinking about nothing but music, hardly ever thinking about learning, and never considering playing footbag at all. It is now summer again, and I have stopped playing jazz. I have once again found the amazing lust of footbag, and the joys that classical guitar can offer. Starting tonight, I may also be getting back to my true roots - the brilliance of LEARNING. I feel like my life thus far (1/5th of my true life) has completed somewhat of a circle. When I was very young, I had long curly hair, I was cute, arrogant, and I loved learning. In 6, 7, and 8th grade, I became utterly unattractive, I was not too interested in learning, and modest (which is usually good). Now my hair has naturally grown to where it wants to be, I am my conceited self again, and I want to experience life like I have not before.

Since the time that I was first introduced to footbag, I have realized the value of talking to truly wise people. It could very well be that the only way to spread great knowledge effectively is by experiencing it from knowledgeable people. I am eternally grateful to Sam Colclough, Gabriel Smith, Matt Cross, Rob Fuller, and SOO many others that I need not list. I have met so many amazing people through the sport of footbag and to this I give infinite thanks. One of the most incredible things for me to look back on, is how when I first started playing footbag, I was a pimply faced loser, an annoying little kid. In my own mind I was just trying to become better at the game of life, but to others I was surely naught but a nuisance. It is still unattainable to my knowledge why such and AMAZING person as Gabe Smith would want to hang out with me?? I owe a large chunk of my life to you Gabe. I love you. As I said - I was 12 years old and in an extremely awkward time, and this 25 year old guy emails me and says he wants to play footbag. I’m ecstatic at the prospect. And even when he meets me, he is just as enthusiastic. He treats my like someone his own age in the way he speaks to me, maybe it was because that’s how I came off. I remember one time that we were playing and my friend brought up the fact that he was 14 years old. Gabe was shocked and says "Matt, you are like 17 right?" I regretfully had to inform him that I was only 13 years old. He was beside himself, and remarked that he was old enough to be my father. Even so, he treated me no different than before. Words cannot express my feelings on this subject.

Here I am
What’s next?
How can I hope to make my life complete? The meaning of life is a tricky subject. As previously stated, since we cannot possible hope to understand the meaning of life, we have to try to come as close as possible to enlightenment. For me right now, I feel that this requires learning as much about everything as I can. Jack of all trades master of none - this will not satisfy me. My vision is that true enlightenment lies in being a master of all things, lacking in none. The most practical way for me to do this at this stage in my life is to read again. I shall choose a topic, and read on it. I will read everything I can get from the library as well as on the internet. I have spent 15 years of my life, and I may have mastered such things as Footbag, Guitar, Philosophy, and computer games. 4 out of infinite. I better get going.

It may also be that by increasing my degree of learning until it can no longer be increased, I shall achieve enlightenment in life. If I spend all my time learning how to learn, I may exceed all knowledge currently known to man and be in a state of mental bliss. There is nothing to fear but fear itself, there is nothing to learn but learning itself.


Perhaps enlightenment lies not in myself, but in all others. By talking to as many people as I can, and leeching from them. If I can try to understand how a great number of people think, maybe I can find the true way to think and achieve a higher state of consciousness through this. The answer lies not in myself, but the world. Bringing me to

The Hologram Theory
Perhaps everything we know (everything in the universe), is all a part of the same thing. Imagine everything that we as humans can imagine, is part of 1 large object - a giant projection or hologram. This could quite easily explain psychological phenomena such as telekinesis, out of body experiences, telling the future, recalling past lives etc. For more, read Holographic Universe.

What shall I do with my life?
Since we do not and cannot know the meaning of life, what are we to do? Follow religion and hope for an afterlife? Many wise people will say you should do whatever you want to do. You should do what makes you feel good. Life is a precious thing, and if you are living in a prosperous country of opportunity you should enjoy it as much as possible. This is what I have started to truly realize tonight. Trivial stuff really does not matter in my life and my being as a whole. All the time that I am NOT depressed is time very well spent. The greatest thing I can do with my time is enjoy it. I remember being young and saying all I want out of life is to look back and be able to say that I am satisfied, say that I had fun. I still wholeheartedly agree with this philosophy, and it was one of the few truly intelligent things that came out of my mouth during my awkward stage

What I want to do with MY life is - Expand past 10%, record my dreams, climb mount Everest, travel as much as possible, see beautiful things, play many instruments, meet amazing people, talk philosophy, have children, live a long time, le parkour, study ninjitsu, BAP, be remembered, enjoy every second from now on.

Lucid Dreaming is something that captivated me very quickly as soon as I learned about it. I believe I first heard about it in the movie Waking Life, and I didn't really realize what they were talking about, or at least it didnt hit me. Then one day on the modified forum someone spoke of Lucid dreaming, and the prospects became clear. Could it have just been that I was a teenager going through puberty and the idea of realizing any fantasy was quite enticing? Absolutely, but the allure of Lucid dreaming is still there for me. I recorded my dreams for a few weeks during the school year, and I came out with some incredible things.

2/26/04 -I was sitting on the floor playing classical guitar, the Argentina song, and my brother yelled at me. I went out and he had like 6 movie tickets in his hand. My dad said “what time are you going to that Zorro show at Hancher?” My brother said “we got the 2nd ticket, so we can’t decide to go at 2:00 or 4:30. My dad said “well then I can take some of these tickets. I woke up

I really would like to start getting into recording my dreams again, and just keeping a log of them. They are fascinating windows into your psyche. I used to think that I never dreamed, but as soon as I started writing them down, I noticed that I had at least 3or4 dreams per night. Which brings me to

Perhaps true enlightenment is something that you can only find if you are not searching for it. It seems very plausible to me that the only way to reach a raised state of consciousness is through a state of subconsciousness (or even unconsciousness). Perhaps dreams really are able to tell the future and, can contain the meaning of life. Could it be that there is no true true meaning of life, but for each person, there is a custom tailored true meaning of life, that can only be witnessed by channeling their dreams? The meaning of life is such a mystical idea that perchance it can only be acquired through abstract and indirect methods. Nevertheless, dreams will show your true unabashed emotions:

4/14 - In the band room, there were 2 black guys correcting papers. It was 3:00 and I was out of classes before everyone else. I was getting out 2 red Gibsons identical. Mr. Pringle “… I think for now we are gonna keep it at 4 people... I’ve been kind of glorifying this bob chapal guy (Sam price). We need guys who can actually play instead of soloing all the time. We’ve got guys who want to do this Cape 9 thing playing notes all the time. If we wanted this we would be at West High school on a Friday night. We are going to keep you just because you are progressing at a thousand pieces a day… “Then he goes to the bathroom and cleans one of my Gibsons with a paper towel.


Le Parkour! and Ninjitsu (and footbag). Another philosophy could be that maybe we are approaching the meaning of life question all wrong. We were obviously given a mind, body, and a soul. Almost everyone automatically assumes that it is necessary to try to link the mental and spiritual to achieve enlightenment, but perhaps if we instead look at it as trying to combine physical with the spirit, we can in a way, sneak up on the question and beat it in a way no one expects. I think practitioners of Ninjitsu try to proceed in this way. They believe it possible to achieve enlightenment through meditation and complete control of the human body. It could also be that the only way to reach enlightenment is by completely mastering either the mental or the physical part of the body. There is nothing I wouldn’t give to be able to study ninjitsu from the 1 remaining bloodline in Japan. It seems like one of the most captivating and mystifying arts in the entire history of the world. Thanks to Donnie for getting me interested in this stuff. Gabe Smith was also the 1st person to show me how to truly meditate. We were getting ready to shred 1 day and he just said "let’s meditate". We sat there for 15 minutes and it was complete bliss and we both knew it. I had never meditated like that before, and I think I will be able to reach even greater levels of meditation with practice. Footbag could also be a path to physical-spiritual enlightenment, along with dance. The flowingness and the requirements to use your soul and rhythm and creativity as well as just your muscles are incredible. It is very underground as well.
Le parkour... how to describe it? It is amazing. Incredible. I see it sort of as mans cry against the machine. Le Parkour IS rage against the corporate machine. It is an incredible rush and an incredible art. The traceurs that practice Le Parkour are about the closest to real ninjas that you will find these days; maybe that’s why they are so alluring to me. I would absolutely love to live in a huge metropolis in Europe with a grand Le Parkour scene and just climb everything. All day. Many times I think about it and wish that I had been in some sort of gymnastics when I was younger, like Nolan, but I also feel like it would almost be too late to start now. Anyway, read my previous livejoural posts to see how I feel about roof climbing, which is like uber-watered-down-Le-Parkour.
MUSIC
As you may have guessed, music (especially guitar) has been a massive part of my life. I started playing guitar and taking lessons when I was in 3rd grade. Often times, I have felt that this may have started the decline of my guitar career right there. Whenever I feel like I can not improvise vocally very well, I will blame it on the fact that I have always taken lessons. I feel like I play nothing but scales, because this is the way I was taught. I was not a poor black child from New Orleans whose father was a blues player and I had a makeshift guitar when I was young and was forced to teach myself - I’m the rich white boy who had it all laid out in front of me. I never had time to just explore on the guitar and get an ear for music, I just started learning (although, this was the way I was at the time - I loved learning, not fooling around on a guitar). Perhaps my lack of musical skill in some areas can be attributed to the fact that I listened (and still do) to very little music. It probably is true that the more you hear, the more you will play.

I started playing trumpet 2 years later in 5th grade. I was first chair trumpet right away, which at the time I figured was because I had already been playing guitar (it partly was), but now I realize that it was because I was just infinitely smarter than all my peers, and I figure out how to play the trumpet and play it better than them - I never practiced. I still am 1st chair, and I'll be going into wind ensemble next year. I still do not practice. I think playing trumpet has been an integral part of my musical education, providing me mastery on 2 instruments rather than just 1. I played classical trumpet every year through the school, with no private teaching (besides the school offered, which I took very few lessons anyway), so I was beating out people who practiced hours a day and took lessons from private teachers, all because I was (am) smart. I played jazz trumpet in 9th grade in Jazz II. This is where I find my weakness. I realize more and more often how weak I am as an improviser; although I must say I was a damn fine lead player when I tried.

I’m not really sure what style of music I was playing on guitar, but I guess from the very beginning I just started with the lesson books and worked through them. I proceeded through the lesson books very quickly (of course), and proceedingly through many teachers. Cries of "you are too advanced for me!!" all around. I had some very good teachers - and now I have the best around. I guess the lesson books tried to prepare me for all styles of music, but looking back I notice that they were lacking a lot of jazz guitar, modern rock style, and classical finger style. I guess it was mostly folk and blues. I kind of went from the book learning stuff into blues/classic rock. My 2nd guitar teacher Dan introduced me to the wide world of TAB. While he was a pretty bad guitar teacher, I have to thank him a lot for that. He tried to get me into heavier rock stuff, and I was for a little while, but politely declined and took a few month break and went back at it with my next teacher, Ron. He is an amazing blues player and he played with the guys from Lynryd Skynrd back in Florida. He is one of the nicest guys I have ever met, and a wonderful musician, but there just wasn’t really much he could teach me. It was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done when he said that I had become too advanced and that it wasn’t worth it to keep taking from him. He handed me off to Joe. Joe. Joe. ... Joe. He was a crazy son of a bitch and he first introduced me to real jazz and CLASSICAL. At first I was like "eh" but then classical became my life and I was obsessed. Now I take Jazz from Grismore (the best in Iowa), and classical from Oleg (certainly 1 of the best in Iowa, and SOO COOL).

Some of my best experiences have come from music. To me, it seems that the music (especially guitar!) community is not nearly as accepting as the footbag community, but that is probably just because there are so many players. I don’t think I have ever before expressed such raw emotion through such a medium. I remember one night just playing classical guitar and crying because I could feel the music so well. It was like going right into my heart. I went to school the next day and told Paul about it and he said "dude, that is crazy". There have been many times when I have felt the indescribable desire to solo (jazz or rock) while jamming. Unfortunately, this only usually happens in private. I think the ultimate goal is to be able to harness this adrenaline and unleash it at jazz band or other public gigs. Composing the music on my website was also one of the most fun experiences I have ever had. It ate up all my time, and I loved it. I hope to compose a lot more some day.

My favorite musical group of all time has to be Bela Fleck (and the Flecktones). Their DVD, Live at the Quick, seriously gets exponentially better every time that I watch it. It is one of the best gatherings of the greatest musicians that I have ever seen. The best banjo player in the world today. The best electric bass player in the world. One of the best saxophone players in the world. A revolutionary drummer. Incredible. Victor Wooten has got to be my favorite musician ever. All of his stuff makes sense musically, and it still grooves soooo hard. Wonderful improviser. On the DVD live at Bass Day he talks about how music is a language. A very philosophical idea that I now agree with 100%. He says that he started learning it at age 3, which should not be a shock because we start learning English at less than 1. When asked "what do you think about when you improvise", he replied "If I’m doing it right, I won’t think about anything. Like a language, you don’t think of how many verbs or pronouns or syllables you are using in a sentence, you just improvise. You have to build your vocabulary strong enough so that you will be able to improvise speak fluently, but then you should need not think." I paraphrase, and I thought it was absolute genius.


mental-physical-musical = soul


In conclusion, I feel that I am now able to progress as a complete person. I have experienced lives of mental prowess (youth), physical prowess (awkward stage- footbag), and musical and sexual prowess (freshman year). I can now be the perfect blend of characters that will ultimately make

MATT

[Muffinman]

I read the first few paragraphs and I couldn't stop reading. This from someone who has trouble enjoying reading in general and staying focused on any one thought. Was this a paper you wrote for school? What I read was very beautiful. I would probably read more but it is 4:30 in the morning and my eyes hurt.

I know what the meaning of life is, though. To love everybody and everything.

[Splint]

I read about half of it and I wanted to puke so I quit.
I could have read the rest, but the violins in my head were busting strings due to too much sap.

Seriously, I can respect the occassional dance with lunacy that brings you to think that way, but let's get real. You're going to learn a lot by reading everything you read, if indeed you read it, but it won't mean jack shit if you don't possess the open mind necessary to abosrb and process it all.

You repeatedly talk about John Kerry as a communist or as a socialist in extremely negative terms (not that I'm a big fan of his), and I'm still convinced that you don't have a clue as to what you are saying. I'd go as far as to say that any Democrat running for President would have gotten the same response from you. Why, because of the limits you place on what you are willing to learn and accept.

See, you can read and read and read and talk and talk and talk, but that will get you no where without true compassion and understanding. Eastern Philosophers don't distinguish between Democrats and Republicans, but for some reason you do...all...the...time. It seems to come up in almost every single serious post of yours. Try being a human instead of a republican, then go ahead and read your books and make your music.

[Jeremy]

That's a bit harsh Brad...

I actually liked it. I was amazed how similar Matt and I are. Actually shocked - things like - reading adult novels in grade 3 (I read Lord of the Rings then, and also lots of trashy horror stuff, Shakespear, Dickens - everything) - playing jazz - and getting into because I thought I should - not because I had any great passion. - Always wanting to learn when younger, and always showing off about how clever I was. There were a few differences too - especially politics - although I have to say that I enjoy a good debate a great deal and often annoy people because of that.

Anyway thanks a lot for sharing. Brad did make some good points I guess, but I still found it an enjoyable read.

[Matt]

everyone has been asking if It was assigned or willing. I just started writing and I didn't stop. At the very start I tried to write as intelligently as I could and sound like a philosophy paper, and then it kind of morphed into a daliesque biography talking about my life and my arrogance. At then end I was writing it a little more like a regular internet post. I wouldve loved to write the whole thing intelligent style, but it wouldve taken me forever (and my vocab is not that big).

I wrote it 100% willingly.

Chan thank you greatly for the kind words

Jeremy - maybe the message my subcosnscious was trying to convey was that despite the visage that I often show on forums such as this (stupid conservative), perhaps I am not so different from intelligent people (who happen to be on the left side of political spectrum - sorry brad), such as yourself.

my reconciliation for idiocy i guess you could say

You repeatedly talk about John Kerry as a communist or as a socialist in extremely negative terms (not that I'm a big fan of his), and I'm still convinced that you don't have a clue as to what you are saying.

nice. I wasn't trying to put anyone down by writing this, did I even mention the communism thing? I was just trying to express everything that I was thinking at the time. I didn't write this really for anyone else buy myself. Maybe I ruined it by putting in the paragraph about politics? I was just trying to let you see how I think. Nonetheless
thank you brad for being honest enough to... whatever

See, you can read and read and read and talk and talk and talk, but that will get you no where without true compassion and understanding.

This is a very good point and I will surely think about it. Thank you. Probably something vital that is missing from my manifesto

[Whatsfootbag?]

im similiar in a way..when i was young from 1st to about 7th grade, i'd read every national geographic,popular science,popular mechanics,watch discovery channel 24/7, and anything i could get my hands on.When it came time for school i had such a well rounded sense of knowledge my parents thought i was a genius.i kinda was thoruhg elementary school haha, i made 100's on almost every test,every quiz,everything, and i was always willing to learn more.in 6th and 7th grade i knew so much in science and math classes,that i could almost not try and still make 100's.at one point in 6th grade science,we were learning about the sun,and i read that teh sun burns so many tons of hydrogen a second(cant remember what it was,it was huge).so while the teacher was teaching i figured out, how much hydrogen it burns in a year,in december,during that class,and from now to 2005.By the end of the class i had a white typing paper covered in huge numbers and i mean huge, and i did most of it on te paper by hand due to teh calculators not being able to hold the numbers hahaha..felt smart at the time,but now that i look back on it i probably got em all wrong

[FlexThis]

[strumpfm]

storing all of the information written isn't the way to enlightenment, that's the way to act like a human hard drive. would it not be more enlightening and enriching to devote yourself to research and possibly add to the mass of information and knowledge that exists, not just memorize, categorize, and store everything? debating without trying to change people's opinions sounds like all you want to do is show off that you know information and can resuscitate it on command. what happens when you eventually learn all the information that there is to learn in the world? do you live a blissful life or completely break down because your goal in life has finally been met?

[sPinko-Mania]

I echo Brad K.

It is said that we as Homo sapiens use a mere 10% of our potential brain power.

Myth.

My vision is that true enlightenment lies in being a master of all things, lacking in none. The most practical way for me to do this at this stage in my life is to read again. I shall choose a topic, and read on it. I will read everything I can get from the library as well as on the internet. I have spent 15 years of my life, and I may have mastered such things as Footbag, Guitar, Philosophy, and computer games. 4 out of infinite. I better get going

I think we must have different definitions of the word 'mastered'. Mastered philosophy!? What the...I think you may be getting just a bit ahead of yourself there.

If you want to read about something and master it, read about enlightenment, because then you'll see you can't read your way to enlightenment.

I don't mean to offend here, but I hope you will look back on this in 5 years and have a laugh about how different you are. You're 15, and I'd wager money you're going to change out of a lot of views in the next 5 years.

[Matt]

debating without trying to change people's opinions sounds like all you want to do is show off that you know information and can resuscitate it on command.

did you even read what i wrote? I said I dont worry about changing people's opinions, because I want to learn. Silently absorbing 2 wise people talking is not showing off.

what happens when you eventually learn all the information that there is to learn in the world? do you live a blissful life or completely break down because your goal in life has finally been met?

I don't know what happens. I offered the possiblity that maybe this is true enlightenment. Maybe when one has learned all the information that there is to learn, there will be complete bliss and higher consciousness. I cannot know for sure, and that is why I offered multiple possiblities to the meaning of life question.

-

Myth.


I think we must have different definitions of the word 'mastered'. Mastered philosophy!? What the...I think you may be getting just a bit ahead of yourself there.

I don't mean to offend here, but I hope you will look back on this in 5 years and have a laugh about how different you are. You're 15, and I'd wager money you're going to change out of a lot of views in the next 5 years.

I know I have not mastered philosophy. Just as I have not mastered guitar or footbag or anything else. I think it is obvious that we use 100% of our brain, but maybe what I was trying to say was that we only usually reach 10% of our potential. Perhaps this is also blatantly wrong. Im just trying to determine what it is that sets the geniuses apart from the masses.

I take no offense. I should hope that I will be always changing, and almost surely will have completely different views by the time I am 20.

[Fu Xi]

If we really didn't use 100% of our brain... what could we do if we did start using that much?

I mean we wouldn't all of a sudden know things... its all experience.

So, im just curious

[lightningbolt]

We never could use 100% of our brain. Even all the greatest minds, only used 60%.

[FlexThis]

[SpaceMonkey]

Hmmmmm. Lets see. Humans use 100% of their brain power just they only use at the most 10% at a time. Your taste buds change every 7 years, but I doubt that views take that long to change. Most of the people on this forum seem to think they are smarter than everyone else. Anyone with any kind of intelligence wants to think that they are somehow better than other people. The easiest way for them to do this is by saying they are smarter than the opposition. Maybe this is going on here or you guys really are geniuses, I dont know. This was quite random so don't take it seriously.

[Matt]

james risden has my short shorts!! AHHH i feel so proud

[Matt]

PART 2
I hate proofreading:


Even in my maturity, I may have reached a new peak of maturity. It is quite ironic for me to think about. It’s as if my true wisdom was clouded by my hopes of false wisdom. I don’t need to write to impress – if the writing is impressive it shall impress by nature. I do not think it is fair to myself to not write with complete purity, if what I desire people to see and respect is my pure being. I remember hearing that the most important thing that college professors look for in papers is content. This makes sense, and I feel that I should try to focus on this for now. When I have something to say, I should say it, and not worry so much about my vocabulary and having perfect syntax. Writing technicalities and style will come throughout my high school career, what I need to do now is just write. I am not publishing anything, and it does not need to be perfect yet. If my writing sounds unclean, it is because I do not revise. I always have new ideas and no time to go back and rewrite the old.

Perhaps the reason that I sometimes write and try to sound intelligent is because for as long as I can remember, I have been a “people pleaser”, at least in my own mind. This has probably been most prevalent in my musical career. Some people may see this trait as a sign of fear or weakness – and these are usually the people that are weaker than I. I have undoubtedly thought about why I am the way I am, and the best conclusion I have to come to thus far is that my people-pleasing nature comes from the fact that I am very intelligent, mature, and realized.

For example – my audition for Jazz Ensemble: It could very well have been that around the time of this audition, I was not interested in jazz much at all. Perhaps I wasn’t playing truly what I would have desired to play at the moment, but rather I played what I knew I should play. Often times during my jazz experiences this year I have certainly dumbed-down my playing in some ways. I know that what Mr. Pringle wants to hear is not always in accordance with what a true jazz expert would like to hear, I hate to say it, but I feel he has a rather untrained ear, and I have realized this and try to adapt to it. I know that at least at the beginning of the year, anywhere I wanted to get to in the jazz world, I would have to get to through him, and so I tried to appease my superiors, if only for my own benefit.

Back to the audition – I had rationalized in my head before the fact, and concluded that being in Jazz Ensemble that year was far more desiring than just playing a blues scale at my audition, or whatever would have made me the happiest at the time. I felt it was worth it to wear a mask of sorts, and perhaps even lie when dealing with Mr. Pringle at the beginning of the year, because the fruits of my labor would be great. I was correct. Does, then, all of this make me a sellout? I am probably apt to be called so by some jealous or hateful of me, if so, fuck you. I could have played musically immature rock licks at that audition, then spent the rest of the year playing rock licks in Jazz II, but instead I thought about my situation (as is common for me to do), and now I have complete freedom to play anything I want in Jazz Ensemble. I now have more solos than anyone in the band (about equal to Nic, who I feel may have taken an approach similar to mine). I think I am doing about as well as a freshman could do without being a prodigy (Drew, Gabe Medd, Ryan Kisor).

Of course, I could be completely wrong as I often am, and this nature that I have tried so hard to rationalize is truly just another facet of my self-consciousness. I will admit that maybe my intentions were good at first, but I know have become so wrapped up in this people-pleasing state that I am afraid to take risks, when soloing in jazz band for example. This is also something I have thought extensively about, and I wonder why it is so hard for me to take risks musically. A logical explanation is probably that I do not practice guitar nearly enough to be where I want to be, and therefore I am not physically able to take the risks that people encourage me to take. I only practice when I have the desire to, which is the opposite of how I was as a young child. It is kind of funny to think about actually. I knew when I was 9 years old that I knew not what I wanted, and so I practiced guitar so as to have as many opportunities at this age as I could. Ah the paradoxes of life. The first step towards wisdom is knowing that you know nothing; by definition I was on my way to wisdom at the age of 9 (almost surely before this), which is not hard for me to believe. And now, when I say I only practice when I feel like practicing, it may be slightly more reasonable, as I am certainly more mature than when I was 9, and I have a more refined idea of what I want to do, but it is still not enough that I can trust myself. I am my own worst enemy, and I will lead to my own downfall. This being said, it is in my best interest to practice guitar every day, to practice trumpet every day, play footbag every day, run every day, lift weights, read, write, build healthy relationships. Will I do all of this? Surely not, for I am not perfect and have given up trying.

When will I be able to make up my own mind, and not have my future self make my decisions for me? Probably never. I will be dead before I know, because I am always living for the future. I cannot yet say (I don’t know if anyone can say) whether it is better to live for the future or to live for now. Many people say that you should always live for the moment, because you will be much happier this way, but I am so different from everyone else. For me, always looking ahead gives me great happiness, while sometimes it is healthy and sometimes not. One thing I have often pondered is why do I play guitar? I don’t like to admit it, but I think I play guitar for the future and not for present, or at least I used to (before my maturing). A few months ago, the reason I played guitar was because I wanted to be the absolute best I could be. It wasn’t that I actually enjoyed playing guitar; it was the final result that I wanted. In this way, looking to the future was unhealthy. Right now, I am not playing jazz guitar, I am instead fascinated with classical guitar. There is no light at the end of the tunnel to tempt me as there was with jazz guitar. There were always goals and places to reach and people to be better than. With classical guitar, I am just enjoying my walk through that tunnel. I enjoy playing music. Probably it all boils down to the simple answer that I was getting sick of jazz guitar, and when I was able to transfer all my emotion to the nylon string (when jazz band is over and I have nothing expected of me), I have a great sigh of relief and I can enjoy music again. I guess I must conclude that if I did not enjoy playing guitar and music, I wouldn’t do it. It has to be that simple. I know that running would be amazingly good for me in the future, but I don’t enjoy it much, and therefore I do not do it. I am a simple creature.

I do not have any disrespect for “sellouts” at all. George Benson could be called a sellout, but why? People who decide to make something a career instead of a hobby should not be subject to any kind of ridicule. After all, this is only a game we call life, and you should do whatever pleases you. Many musicians (myself probably included) love music, but they love money and security more. Insults often spawn from jealousy

I think my greatest simplicity is that I believe in doing whatever I can to benefit myself. I can probably be assured that some people will think I am ignorant because of this, and maybe I am, or maybe they are (or both), and I am not at liberty to say. I think really, that everyone acts this way, but are too afraid, or maybe they just don’t realize it, to admit it. If you look at traditional Catholics, it may seem as if they are living their lives to benefit others, and many of them will say this is so – they are living out the will of God and treating others as they should be treated. This is fine and it makes for a good society, but I don’t honestly believe it. I happen to be Catholic (although not religious) and it seems to me that almost all of the people who follow strictly the 10 commandments and try to live “as God would want them to”, are only doing it because it makes them feel better about themselves, and of course they want to secure themselves a spot in Heaven. I have thought about taking this route, but maybe it is because I am a bit wiser that I think it is not worth my time. I could, of course spend my entire life following the word of God, and then enjoy my treasures in the afterlife, but the odds that this will happen are not great. What if I live my life by this accord, and then I die, and most probably – nothing happens. Also, Catholicism (Christianity) is only one of many religions, and how am I supposed to know that it is the correct one? It would be in my best interest not to follow the word of one religion, but rather just live my life as a good person, using my own moral values. I could live follow a religion, only to find out it is not the true religion, and I would be banished to Hell (or the equivalent), or I could just live a good life, and hope for redemption when I reach Purgatory. God forgives all?

My mother had tried to force religion into my person from a very young age, and this is probably why I denounced it. No one likes to be told what to do, and maybe it drew a streak of rebellion in me, just as if a child is sheltered, they are only more likely to do drugs and get in trouble. I was wise beyond my years as a younger boy, and I saw in church, ceremonies, and religion class a great deal of brainwashing. This probably works on most oblivious children, but it certainly had no desired effect on me. In fact, it forced the opposite, turning me atheist or at least agnostic. Besides, many great philosophers and the most intelligent people I know are atheists.

I wonder why it is that whenever I try to write philosophy universally, I always arrive on my favorite subject of all – myself. Ok I don’t wonder, it is because I am arrogant. I truly believe, having experienced both sides of the spectrum, that it is better to be arrogant than to have a low self esteem. A lot of people think that it would be best to be somewhere in between, preferably an equal balance of arrogance and modesty. I disagree. To me, I think the place I would most like to be is to be arrogant, but not let others see it. It seems to make so much sense – with arrogance you will always feel good about yourself, but if you instead show modesty, others will feel good about you as well. I am probably just saying this because I am arrogant and I am too lazy to change, but hey, I’m trying to find meaning in my life.

On Arrogance:
I think some of the most beneficial people for me to observe in my quest for knowledge are the members of my immediate family. While trying to rationalize my younger brother’s actions, I have realized that one thing that sets me apart from especially him and many others surrounding me is discipline. Although I can not explain it, for as long as I can remember I have been unquestionably obedient to my parents. It is probably because, again, when I was young, I knew that I didn’t know what was best for me. I knew that my father knew much better than I, and therefore I did what he told me to. I never really had a desire to be rebellious, and my parents never had a desire to shelter me from the outside world, these both attributed to each other. For some reason though, my younger brother is so much more disobedient than I was (and am). I think it is simply due to the fact that he is less mature than I was at that age and less intelligent (as test scores will show). My parents have gotten older, and maybe more tired and less willing to discipline him, although they should be better at discipline due to experience. It could be a shock of sorts due to the fact that my older brother and I really didn’t need to be disciplined, and they do not know how to handle my younger brother. There is also certainly some contribution of the society that he grew up in compared to when we grew up. My brother, Nate and I are only 3 years apart, and so we spent a lot of time together growing up. I can look at both of my brothers and feel sorry in some ways. I think Nate turned out very well over all and will grow up to be successful in society, but sometimes I think there were some parts of high school that he missed out on (girls). I think he also missed the internet generation by about 2 years. He still does not really use e-mail or instant messengers of any kind. There are a few things that he had to experience just because of being the oldest, and I don’t think he has received any benefits from being the oldest child that I have not also had. I feel especially sorry for my younger brother, Joey, because he is inferior to Nate and I in almost every way I can see. Perhaps when he is in high school he will be more attractive than either of us, and will certainly get laid more than me (if only due to the fact that he is unintelligent). He may have more friends and have more fun in his teenage years, but I do not envy him. It almost makes me feel sick to think that he is not able to experience the kind of childhood my brother and I had. All that Joey does now is lie on the couch and watch TV. When I was young I remember playing outside every day and night. I had a best friend who’s house was right behind mine. We had huge backyards with no fences and giant trees to climb and enjoy. Of the many things I love, the memories of my childhood may be my most satisfying possession. I would not have wanted to grow up any different way. It seems my life was perfect – I was an intelligent child, but not so much as to hinder me. I had enough money to buy everything I needed and most things I wanted, but I was not spoiled. I lived in a good neighborhood with good friends. I didn’t attend the best school, but I made the best of it and I enjoyed it greatly. I was physical and musical and I loved reading and I played computer games. It is the greatest thing I can ever imagine. Luckily, I have not changed too much, and neither have my surroundings, I am just …different. It pains me to think that instead of experiencing life as I did, my brother is experiencing the TV.

For some reason that may be beyond my fathomability, I have had, for as long as I can remember, an innate fascination with Astronomy. I can assume that this is due to the prevalence of abstractness and infinicy that love to tickle the mind. I feel that there is a very close link between Astronomy and Philosophy, as many intelligent discussions invariably arrive at questions related to the origins and size of the universe, the Big Bang and Big Crunch, universal expansion, and life on other planets. I think I pretty much enjoy anything that can cause me to use my imagination. It is also great fun to try to comprehend things that are too great for us to comprehend. I love to sit and think, and I love even more to talk, about how large the universe is and the speed of light. Once you get trying to picture how great these things are, it puts you into a sort of natural high. I think that humans probably have a natural tendency to try to stretch the limit of natural knowledge. We are mesmerized by the supernatural, which we desire to explore, leading to discovery, invention, and procession of civilization. I am of course a victim to wonder.

I value randomness and creativity very highly. I think this is obvious in my choice of hobbies and perhaps also my personality. The idea of true improvisation, in jazz or otherwise, is utterly fascinating for me. One thing I do not understand though, is why I cannot yet appreciate listening to free jazz or very abstract pieces of art. I have played free jazz and I enjoy doing it, but I guess if something doesn’t make sense to me, it strikes no emotion.

It seems that on this journey to discover the greatest depths of my soul, I am realizing more and more how simple I really am, just as the more I study complex jazz and classical compositions, the greater my affinity for the mundane. Perhaps after I have finished declaring all the extents of my arrogance – thoughts, feelings, and opinions that I have never before been able to profess – I will walk away a much humbler person. May it be allowed that I am an asshole for a week if it means saving my being for the rest of my life?

One thing that I have always been concerned about is the way the person that I am going to become as I grow older. Will I be attractive, intelligent, naturally talented, inspired? It is certainly human nature to wonder what the future holds, especially as it pertains to oneself. Logically, the only path that I can trust to give me at a least a little insight is DNA. I often look to my parents and their families and hope to analyze the traits I have and have not inherited, and in a way be able to predict how and into what type of personality I will grow. The only problem with this is that my father is adopted, limiting observations I can make from his side of the family. I feel I am able to determine where each of my qualities come from (while probably not important). Both of my parents have above average intelligence, my father being extremely smart. I remember being young and seeing myself as a spitting image of him, and it would not have pained me to be exactly like him when I grew up. We both had a fascination with computers, a strong appreciation and talent, but not unhealthy obsession, for music, and of course, intelligence and logic. He seemed surely the wisest man I had ever met, I could not have been more satisfied with a parent, and I trusted his every word.
As I said, I enjoyed computers maybe more than anything else as a child, and I thought that I had my whole life planned out to accommodate. In 3rd grade, I tried to teach myself how to program computer games, and my friends and I already had many ideas for games that we were going to create. We had even made many marketing and related plans for the business that we would establish. It was my job to read up on programming and then we would just… do it. I’m not really sure what happened, except one of my friends, Robert, moved to Burlington and we just kind of stopped dreaming. Looking back, sometimes I feel like I have already experienced so much in my childhood, and now my life is diminishing, I am dying. Either that, or I have an incredible life.

It was about the time that I entered my awkward stage (7th grade), that I started to see my father in a bit different way. For some reason I was now noticing all of his faults and less impressive qualities rather than his strengths of character. I began to feel that I was actually much more like my mother, and my brother Nate was more like my father. Surely something happened to me psychologically, maybe it was that I was receiving less attention than I had been as a younger child, and it was going to my head. Perhaps it was the effects of puberty just changing my moods and opinions and the way that I viewed the world around me. Perhaps it was that at this age, for the first time, I was able to see my father’s faults, and they appeared much more glaring than they should have. It could have well been that I was swept up in teen angst and I was starting to prejudge people by appearance, even members of my own family, for I surely look more like my mother than my father. At this time in my life I had become fairly unattractive, and social acceptance, friends, and girlfriends seemed more appealing to me than knowledge or computers or anything else that had previously occupied my time. This may be why I naturally became closer to my mother and farther from my father, for any good looks that I would have hoped to have would probably come from my mother’s genes. It was a cry of desperation of sorts for something that I longed so badly to have at the time, and I thought that by associating with my mother, I would become more like her. The pinnacle of immaturity in my life I am sure. Nevertheless, now that I am out of that awkward stage (if I truly am), I again have the utmost respect for my father, I can see how much I am like him and I can again admire his wisdom and honesty.
Dad, I only write this because I love you.

“Vanity is a Bitch”

Psyche fascinates me, especially my own.

My conceitedness leads me to believe that I have received the best traits from both of my parents. Just as I would have wished, I have inherited my father’s mind, and boyish good looks from my mother’s family. But as I know I cannot have a perfect life, I also have to watch out for medical history. I fear inheritance of cancer from my mother’s family or diabetes from my father. If I look at my younger brother, it seems that he is just the opposite of me, a physical image of my father with the mind of my mother’s family. My mother is more intelligent than the rest of her family, being the only one with a college education.

I often wonder, what is the boundary of my potential? I used to think that only would achieve as much as my parents achieved, how could I reach more? I now realize that I can be far more successful due to having supportive parents, advanced technology, and much more opportunity. For example, I am attending one of the best high schools in the nation, while my parents were raised on farms and went to very small schools. Fortunately for me, my parents realize that I have a greater potential, and encourage me as best they can. I still have to wonder if I would ever be able to be a great musician. In my experience, all the best musicians that I have met in high school have parents who majored in music and are great themselves. I wondered how I could be good as I was (I don’t think I am very good, but that is what people tell me) when neither of my parents majored in music or even played anymore. People say that the sky is the limit, but I still have trouble feeling this way with music. I believe that right now I can pursue any career path I want due to the opportunities I have been given. I guess this writing is like one big thanksgiving.


I have decided that the way to true enlightenment is probably not through reading everything that I can. What makes the most sense to me at this point is that enlightenment is different for every person, but for everyone it lies within themselves. Maybe by writing everything that I feel and think, I will be able to truly get to the core of my personality and discover myself. I may then be able to realize what it is that I do not yet know, and take the proper steps to educate myself. This would also mean that the path to enlightenment is a never-ending path, as it depends on discovering my true personality, my true personality being ever dynamic. I shall be writing and searching on this road of discovery every day. Perchance it is not really a final destination we are searching for, but true enlightenment lies only in the journey to true enlightenment. If you try to take the easiest route to enlightenment, you surely will not arrive, but if you instead take the most enlightening path, you will find yourself enlightened by the time you reach your goal. The shortest path is not always the quickest.

[Splint]

While I realize this is not technically footbag related, it has become log-like so it's been moved to the Footblog section.

Brad

[Matt]

ohhh you play dirty brad


are you ever coming to iowa city again?

[Splint]

Actually yes, I'll be there in mid-August.

[brian relly]

<hijack>

I've heard you're moving out here to Broomfield, Brad. Is this true?(!?)

</hijack>