What do you do when...

Switch Kicker · Post by **Switch Kicker** » 25 Mar 2007 11:44

What do you do when your girlfriend's slightly older brother dies?

My girlfriend, Amanda, who I've been going out with for about 4 months now, called me today, balling, and told me that her brother died today, somehow, don't know how yet, but she said something about the police and her parents at his house, one of them called her and told her or something to taht extent. I did the whole, "I'm so sorry..." and "I dont know what to say..." and "Oh my god, how'd this happen?" thing... but other than that... I haven't the slightest clue what to do.

Anyone have an idea on what I should do in a situation like this? (BTW, she lives almost an hour away, and I can't see her today.)

jrstubs · Post by **jrstubs** » 25 Mar 2007 15:34

Seriously, if I was in that situation I wouldn't know what to do either...It's totally weird...I would suggest just being there for her? It may be simple, but it could work. BTW, I haven't figured out girls yet...

professor · Post by **professor** » 25 Mar 2007 18:57

You've gotta let her know that you are there for her at any time she needs you. Then just be there for her. You don't have to say anything in particular, nothing you say will make it better anyway, so just be there when she needs you.

That's what I recommend.

Switch Kicker · Post by **Switch Kicker** » 26 Mar 2007 06:47

professor wrote:You've gotta let her know that you are there for her at any time she needs you. Then just be there for her. You don't have to say anything in particular, nothing you say will make it better anyway, so just be there when she needs you.

That's what I recommend.

Well if that's the most I can do, then I guess I'm right inbetween the lines.

Yeah, it was really fucked up. We were just talking on the phone about how we both couldn't wait for next weekend, and she was talking about how she was gonna be out of school the next three days for a school competition a few hundred miles away and blah blah blah. 10 minutes after we get off the phone she calls me back just, cryin' up a storm. Apparently, someone broke into her brother's house, shot him, emptied his wallet, searched his house and he just sat there in shock and bled out...

It's just.... weird. I saw him two days before, and cops said it was a suicide at first and I just thought, no fucking way is that a suicide. He's been working on beefing up his truck, and he's got so many other things he's got going on (Not stressful things. Hobbies and things he likes to do.), there's absolutely no way he killed himself. But yeah, the otopsy (SP?) will tell.

Sporatical_Distractions · Post by **Sporatical_Distractions** » 26 Mar 2007 07:42

A lot of times in those moments of despair, she'll just need a shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to. Comfort her and the two of you will make it through this

slapdash21 · Post by **slapdash21** » 26 Mar 2007 09:50

well if i were YOU, i guess i would tell her to be happy that there's one less person in the world.

http://modified.in/footbag/viewtopic.ph ... sc&start=0

http://modified.in/footbag/viewtopic.ph ... 97&start=0

Slowsis · Post by **Slowsis** » 26 Mar 2007 11:26

slapdash21 · Post by **slapdash21** » 26 Mar 2007 11:34

i

'ed

yeah i know, but its too damned true to not be said.

PegLegHolly · Post by **PegLegHolly** » 26 Mar 2007 19:31

you need to go out of your way to be there for her.

i had a boyfriend that passed away about 4 years ago. when that was going on, i actually got pissed when people tried to talk to me. people saying "i understand what youre going through" or saying "things will get better" made me feel like they dont give a shit, theyre just talking. if you say anything at all, it should be something like "im here for you". but just saying something isnt always good enough. you need to go out of your way to be by her side. maybe you two will break up down the road, but she will always remember who was there for her in this time of pain. in this case, actions speek louder than words. maybe you can draw her a picture, write her a letter, take her to a park, make her an origami flower, listen to her memories of her and her brother, etc... you said yourself that you dont know what to say, so maybe you should just do.

edit: my twin just joined the marines, and i dont know what id do if i lost him. shes probably going to be really depressed for a long time, be careful... theres a possiblity that she'll feel suicidal. she might need to see a counselour

LameR · Post by **LameR** » 26 Mar 2007 23:31

As mentioned earlier, just let her know you're there for her. The best thing you can do is listen.

Switch Kicker · Post by **Switch Kicker** » 27 Mar 2007 07:04

I saw something like that coming. W/e. It's to be expected.

Anyway. I usually jsut kinda say w/e I feel like saying when I feel like saying it, because... Well, if I ever say something that offends her or or whatnot, then that's her problem, not mine, just like how if she says something that offends me, its' my problem. If she's not going to like my sense of humor, or what I like to talk about, then in my veiws, we're not compatable, you know? Well, 4 months now, and things are going just fine. But with this... I actually have to think about what I say before I say it, and I'm soooooooo not used to that. lol. It's like I had to throw my sense of humor out the window yesterday when I went to see her at her family gathering (Holy shit she's got alot of relatives. Counted 24 vehicles at her grandparents... and they all carpooled...). But she was very relieved that I came. We did alot of walking, which is quite enjoyable, thankgod for the great whether. (81 Degrees yesterday, woot. No more winter.

)

But yeah, thanks for the advice. I kinda knew most of it, was actually hoping there might be something else I could do that I hadn't really thought of or considered... but there really isn't anything else to do.

Which blows. However I did blow off over half the day of school yesterday (And half of my finals... end of the quarter's this week.) because she gave me a text saying she needed me to come down. Eh, I'll figure somethin' out. I always do...

And Pete... I have a really, REALLY good, well thought-out comment for that. But I don't think you deserve to hear it , so I'm going to keep it to myself, because just knowing that I know better, and you not knowing, makes me feel better.

Oh, and he turned 21 just a few days before he was killed. I jsut hope he went out drinking at the bars at least once before it happened... That's like... graduating 12 years of college, getting your degree and all that fun graduation stuff, walking out side and getting smoked by a bus... Just sounds like "suck".

slapdash21 · Post by **slapdash21** » 27 Mar 2007 07:49

dont worry switch, i'll be fine without your advice.

suprisingly mature of you overall.

Switch Kicker · Post by **Switch Kicker** » 27 Mar 2007 08:49

slapdash21 wrote:dont worry switch, i'll be fine without your advice.

suprisingly mature of you overall.

It's not advice. They're facts. Actual facts too, not made up ones either.

I don't beleive I said anything about wanting to give you any advice of anykind. A comment, yes, but not advice.

But as you said, you'll be fine without it, which is good, because I'm fine without giving it to you. =)

mizua_r · Post by **mizua_r** » 05 Apr 2007 12:04

Don't bring it up unless you know she's ready. It'll take her time to adjust, and she will need to cry. Just let her cry on your shoulder when she needs to, and talk to her when she wants to talk. Whatever you do, don't tell her you completely understand, because when that happened to me, I just wasn't ready to hear it.

Switch Kicker · Post by **Switch Kicker** » 05 Apr 2007 13:49

mizua_r wrote: Don't bring it up unless you know she's ready. It'll take her time to adjust, and she will need to cry. Just let her cry on your shoulder when she needs to, and talk to her when she wants to talk. Whatever you do, don't tell her you completely understand, because when that happened to me, I just wasn't ready to hear it.

Heh, kind of a late comment, but it's welcome and appreciated. I kinda figured that. I hate it when people say they understand, well, anything that's emotionally troubling for me. There are several things that no one I have ever met in my life can understand. Not gonna go into it. But I understand, that you can't understand something that's never happened to you, and I've never lost a direct member of my family.

But yeah, thanks for the additional support.